


without you here

by Jaybird_Wings



Category: The Adventure Zone (Podcast)
Genre: Ambiguous/Open Ending, Hurt No Comfort, M/M, Post-Episode: e067-069 Story and Song Parts 1-3
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-02-19
Updated: 2019-02-19
Packaged: 2019-10-31 10:30:59
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 552
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17847749
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jaybird_Wings/pseuds/Jaybird_Wings
Summary: Merle sometimes thinks he sees John in the shadows.Or, after the day of story and song, Merle reflects.





	without you here

**Author's Note:**

> In my humble opinion there isn't enough John and Merle fics, so here's this

 

       Merle sometimes thinks he sees John in the shadows.

       At first, he was ecstatic, preparing to see the tall man appear from the dark. But Merle would look and see nothing where he swears he saw a figure not just a moment ago.

 

       He might be going crazy.

 

       It's getting worse. He's trying to ignore what he knows can't be John but sometimes he seems right there and dear Pan, what Merle wouldn't give just to see John one more time.

       The world knows from Lucretia's writings that Merle did parlay with John and recorded what he learned about the Hunger, but he couldn't tell his crew, his family, that this entity that stole their home, a century of years, from them was not bad.  
       He couldn't say John was simply discontent because he consumed worlds. So, there was no documentation on how Merle felt for John.

 

       Merle had never told anyone, nobody could understand without seeing John face to face and knowing him as he did. He knows John is not someone that can be forgiven by the people of this planar realm, but John wasn't in control by the end.

 

       John was a sad man, but he didn't deserve what got served to him. Maybe if Merle had reached out more, ask what made him discontented with life or why a cruel eternity had to poison the sweet now of life.

       Maybe Merle could have saved him if he could have been more.

 

       The shadows taunt him.

 

       And how can he explain now? Now, when they saved this world and their story is sung of how the destroyed the evil Hunger. The world was hurt by the Hunger.

       How can he tell the people of this plane that those horrors, the devastation she had to see, was from someone he loved? He couldn't be that confusingly cruel.

 

       How could he ever have them understand?

 

       He can't. It's something he'll carry close to his heart until he dies, and beyond then.

 

       Mavis gets nightmares, and she tries to play them off as unimportant.

       She asks him, "Were you ever scared of the Hunger?"

       He says, "Yeah when I saw the dark cloud swallow my world I was afraid." But he can't talk about his fear born in ignorance quickly grew into love, and pain as he saw John hurting himself.

 

       He saw the love of his life fall apart in a tragedy of his own making.

 

       For so long, the memory of John was stolen from his because of Lucretia. Maybe if he remembered, he could have planned something, maybe even ask for help. But in the eleventh hour, he remembered far too late.  
He could only say goodbye to him before John lost himself completely.

       He wants to be spiteful, or loud and angry like Taako can get, but mostly he's just sad.

 

       He wants to see John again.

 

       But he's gone.

 

       Maybe this is his punishment for loving the man who convinced his whole plane to devour. Even at night, he opens his eyes to see a figure behind the curtains. Dull light filters in from lamps, highlighting the thin stitches of his curtain, and a figure in a suit.

       "Wait!" He shouts into the nothing. There's no one there when he blinks and looks again.

       

       He's going crazy.

  

**Author's Note:**

> Kind of feel like writing a second part but eh, there's this for now


End file.
